Why is it that we can be perfectly capable adults in every other part of life, yet still find ourselves playing the same old roles when we’re with family?

Angela Caldwell, licensed family therapist and founder of the Caldwell Family Institute, joins Agnes for a lively exploration of family dynamics, changing relationships and the roles that seem to stick with us for a lifetime.

In this episode, we explore:

• The family as a dance — and what happens when someone changes the steps.

• Why familiar family roles can be so difficult to leave behind.

• The difference between keeping a family functioning and keeping it healthy.

• Women who have spent years being the family’s problem-solver.

• How motherhood changes when our children become parents themselves.

• The grandmother as helper, encourager and keeper of family stories.

• Adapting to relatives who are unlikely to change.

• Angela’s strong views about boundaries and how the term is used.

• Sibling relationships, estrangement and the possibilities and limits of reconciliation.

• How to begin changing a family pattern without waiting for everyone else to act first.

One of the loveliest moments comes when Angela explains why grandchildren love hearing the same stories repeatedly — and why grandmothers are so well suited to telling them.

There’s plenty of practical advice here, along with a few opinions that may have you nodding in agreement or raising an eyebrow.

Listen below and then share this episode!

The first thing to know about me is that I grew up in El Paso, Texas, which means that a great deal of my viewpoints, attitudes, habits, and opinions are informed by a bilingual border culture. (It also means that I’m part lizard and have a high tolerance for extreme heat — a handy advantage in outdoor summer sports!) In a poor, hot, bicultural town like El Paso, you’re sort of forced to be open, adaptable, and resilient, so a lot of what is required to be a good family therapist was gifted to me early in life. I find it easier than many of my colleagues do to sit with a variety of personalities in one room, keep up with fast-paced dynamics, and read body language and facial expressions when language fails.

I was also a serious athlete for half my life, so the self-confidence, discipline, and optimism inherent in competitive sports informs many of the “moves” I make when working with family conflict. I tend to believe fiercely in my clients and their ability to get through hell, and that shows up in the way I construct a therapy session. I think it was sports more than graduate school that taught me how to balance sitting with big feelings alongside pushing for change and resolution.

I also believe in the idea that it takes a village to raise a child. Most parents don’t know where that village is, and the village doesn’t know how to best support the parents. I’m here to help all family members find shared values, learn healthy communication, and support each others’ growth.